by Neil Dewar, Editor-in-Chief
Yesterday, two students fought at Westwood High School. The security guard broke them up, and as punishment, they were given the option to either the nein, nein, nein days' suspension our Dear Leader (Dr. Richard) promised us all or to sit and hold hands for an hour. As you can obviously tell from the image, they chose the latter. The person who suggested this was none other than our Dear Leader (who evidently wasn't going to be that strict about suspending everyone for nein days). Since then, images of the event have evidently gone viral, and the incident has made ABC and CBS.
Now, we at the Free Press will be the last to laud anything our Dear Leader does. Or actually, would be, if a representative from the school board hadn't said this:
Mesa Public Schools is dedicated to maintaining a safe and supportive learning environment. The district has guidelines for appropriate student discipline and our site administrators have the authority to impose consequences within our policies and regulations.
The district does not condone the choice of in-school discipline given these students, regardless of their acceptance or willingness to participate. District leadership will address this matter with the school principal and review district protocol regarding student discipline with all administrators.
Evidently some feel this punishment was derogatory towards homosexuals and our wonderful school board has suddenly grown so wonderfully receptive to the sensitivities of these enlightened folks. We at the Press would like to venture forth the theory that this is absolute bullshit.
The only reason the district even cares (or, more accurately, the only thing they care about) is because this incident has received so much publicity, with the images spreading so far apparently some in other states have seen them. And so the district must appease the idiots who are crying foul over this incident, like the cowards they are.
It is quite odd some people seem to think this is anti-homosexual. Since when did hand-holding become something to do with sexuality? That puts an entirely more grotesque twist on parents holding their children's hands. Ironically, these crusaders for 'tolerance' have become as puritanical as those they claim to oppose.
There are those who complain the punishment is embarrassing. Well... yes. But really, it's not as if the students were forcibly locked in a stockade with people throwing tomatoes at them. They made a choice, in the same way they made the choice to fight each other. And if public humiliation is too terrible of a punishment, they could always have chosen the alternative. You know. The nein days' suspension we were all explicitly and repeatedly warned about fifty thousand times or so.
